Words

  I didn't cry when my grandpa died. But for some reason I shed tears for you. I knew my grandpa for 18 years of my life. I only knew you for 2. He would probably look down on me and say that I was dumb, that I should have listened to his words and not fall in love. But he barely had the chance to meet you maybe only once. But that was when he wasn't him anymore, and maybe the person I thought you were wasn't you. I didn't cry when my grandpa died. Because you hurt me much worse. At least I know he can rest in peace according to God's word. But you are still here alive and well still breaking my heart in two. My grandpa left me because he had no choice but what you decided was at your own will.

  walk all over me. see how i feel. when my hands grab at your feet and don't let go. when i pull you down to make sure you never get back up. walk all over me and tell me how it feels.  tell me how it feels to think you're better than me. tell me how it feels to think that i'm so easy to push around. walk all over me. i'll slash your achilles tendons and break all your bones. i'll make you wish you never walked down the path you chose. walk all over me just like all my friends. they keep walking barely acknowledging the fact that i'm already dead. walk all over me, i'm not even alive. you couldn't hurt my feelings even if you tried. keep acting like i'm nothing, keep saying your not scared. but when i come and get you, you'll know that your fucking dead cause i'm right there.

 I  don't deserve to have to beg you to love me. I deserve more than that. I deserve more than you saying you love me but not showing it at all. I deserve more than you getting angry at me for saying how I feel. I deserve more than having to wait on you to make up your mind about me. I deserve 100% from you if I am giving you 100% of me. I deserve to be respected. I know in the past I didn't respect you, I didn't love you the way I was supposed to. I know its not fair for me to show up now and change. But, I don't deserve a half valiant effort. I deserve your trust. All I asked of you was your trust and you got angry. I don't deserve to feel like I am not enough. I deserve to be with someone who cares about my feelings. I deserve to be with someone who doesn't treat me like an option. I don't deserve to be with someone who could so easily fake being in love with me. I deserve the love I am willing to give but that I know I won't receive. I deserve to hat

  it's hard to know when we really died. when the idea of us died too. when the sky faded from blue to gray. when the vibrant colors of fall began to hum the dulling shades of winter. but, its no longer the seasons I mourn. rather, its you, and the person you were and have become. it's not that your face has changed, your eyes, your lips, the freckles on your back, the hang nails on your fingers. your eyelashes are still long, your teeth are still white, and your name is still your name. but somehow a part of you died within me. I think I'll always love you no matter what. but the best parts of you are the ones I need to let go. its best to go back to when your name was just a name, when your face was just a face, when your existence was only made possible by some friends that I'd known. I could never mourn our love because it was a good one. but you, I will spend a lifetime missing and wishing you were still here.

  A sunny day. The way you talk to me makes my whole mood switch from gray. The constant aches and pains, feel like nothing when you say my name. From thunderstorms to a foggy haze the eternal brightness you make me feel will never fade because you are my sunshine on a cloudy day.