Mourning

 it's hard to know when we really died.

when the idea of us died too.

when the sky faded from blue to gray.

when the vibrant colors of fall began to hum the dulling shades of winter.

but, its no longer the seasons I mourn.

rather, its you, and the person you were and have become.

it's not that your face has changed, your eyes, your lips, the freckles on your back, the hang nails on your fingers.

your eyelashes are still long, your teeth are still white, and your name is still your name.

but somehow a part of you died within me.

I think I'll always love you no matter what.

but the best parts of you are the ones I need to let go.

its best to go back to when your name was just a name, when your face was just a face, when your existence was only made possible by some friends that I'd known.

I could never mourn our love because it was a good one.

but you, I will spend a lifetime missing and wishing you were still here.