My Last Love Letter To You

Dear ...you won't let me say your name,

I am writing this to you while you're at his house right now. Although that isn't surprising, you've been at his for months. I could lie and say this all gets easier day by day but that's not the truth not in any way for both of us at all. I think I was naive to think you'd actually want to try again with me when the summer came. The changing of seasons maybe meant the same for us, but I was wrong. Yet, here we are, you texted me today saying, "I saw you joined a club that could be fun". I wonder if by fun you meant a distraction from what my reality has been for months. Lied to, lied about, and had to lie with you to maintain some happiness you gained at the cost of me. The happiness you gained with little to no respect for me. 2 years. I had you for two years and you left me quicker than I could have ever imagined. You left me so easily. You lied to him, you lied to your friends, you lied to your family. If you want your stuffed animal so bad come pick him up and tell my parents, why they never see you anymore. I'm tired of them asking me when I don't know what to say anymore. I can't wish for you to be better, I tried to leave you alone. But it doesn't matter, even on days without texting, it doesn't change the fact that I cry every morning from waking up to nightmares of you. Nightmares in which you cared, nightmares in which you never lied to me, nightmares in which some of your promises were actually worth it to you. Your friends may read this, but they won't know who you are. Hell, maybe even some of my friends might not know who you are. I guess it doesn't matter. Even this summer you couldn't do anything to make me feel less insecure about the fact that you were still with him and seeing me. That your promises meant something. Flowers, cards, 31 reasons, yet there was nothing left in you at all. The bracelets we bought so that even 400 miles away we would still be able to feel each other's touch, I bet you don't even know where yours is anymore. The way you lie to yourself and everyone around you will always haunt me for the rest of my days, but I would like to believe that somewhere in the cold heart that you now carry you still have love for me. That the memories weren’t for nothing, that maybe every time you went to his house you remembered me in the back of your head. That every time you kissed you thought about the way it made me feel. Every time you saw me, you still believed in our future the way I did when you promised me that it would always be me and you forever. “I love you, forever and always.” Your words ring true still to this very day, and although I can’t say I wish you the best. I hope you grow up and when you do call me maybe we can learn to forgive each other.

Love,

Bella


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